Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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