My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
