I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
