i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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