if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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