sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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