i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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