You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
