It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
