I'm so fucking centered right now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize