literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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