He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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