dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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