it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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