And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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