he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Mom said you looked used
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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