my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
