Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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