I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
