My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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