Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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