She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
please don't ironically join a cult
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