somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
