i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize