I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
