Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
