I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
