so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We're too hungover to prance.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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