Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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