i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
