she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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