There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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