You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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