I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
