those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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