Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
