I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
