Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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