My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
