I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
