my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
BRING THE BAGELS
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
