Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
