haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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