you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize