So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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