man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
