Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
