Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
