remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
