mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
