why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
