you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
