as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
