my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
