im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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