I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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