i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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