end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
