Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
