So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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