youre lurking in front of me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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