woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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