Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
