Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
BRING THE BAGELS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
