i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
