im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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