1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
