you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
