i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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