Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
should my penis look like a turkey
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
