i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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