my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK WHALES
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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