Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
