Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my liver is dry heaving
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
