She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
