I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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